Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
