In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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