i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
