I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
