Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
