Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
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