He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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