Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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