it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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