Why are handjobs necessary in class?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
That accounts for only three of the penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize