Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
