i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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