They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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