i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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