My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
We have so much sex to catch up on
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
