Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just threw up on my dentist
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
