He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
