Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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