CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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