Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
