i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
