True but thats because hes a fetus.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
