My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
