Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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