There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize
