I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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