Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
