it hurts more in the daytime
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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