dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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