apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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