Texts From Last Night

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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms

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  (502): I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms http://tfl.nu/f928
  Replies (30) Good night (644) Bad night (7449)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.

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  (240): she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever. http://tfl.nu/656k
  Replies (27) Good night (5885) Bad night (691)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose

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  (781): im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose http://tfl.nu/q51l
  Replies (51) Good night (1822) Bad night (6626)
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  (231): View more from Michigan

  We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee

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  (231): We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee http://tfl.nu/m4t7
  Replies (33) Good night (1540) Bad night (4353)
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  (916): View more from California

  It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.

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  (916): It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness. http://tfl.nu/trjv
  Replies (4) Good night (2325) Bad night (810)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.

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  (817): Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass. http://tfl.nu/wbhi
  Replies (18) Good night (3695) Bad night (1005)
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  (925): View more from California

  I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too

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  (925): I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too http://tfl.nu/v7gc
  Replies (12) Good night (1715) Bad night (1052)
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  (219): View more from Indiana

  Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.

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  (219): Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking. http://tfl.nu/w53z
  Replies (11) Good night (600) Bad night (1778)
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.

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  (307): We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger. http://tfl.nu/ajz2
  Replies (6) Good night (1550) Bad night (539)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...

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  (902): Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going... http://tfl.nu/liwq
  Replies (4) Good night (1555) Bad night (757)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.

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  (902): He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame. http://tfl.nu/bxcb
  Replies (5) Good night (1174) Bad night (882)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS

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  (978): I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS http://tfl.nu/o0md
  Replies (2) Good night (1147) Bad night (550)
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.

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  (952): You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat. http://tfl.nu/y56r
  Replies (2) Good night (321) Bad night (829)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.

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  (407): His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out. http://tfl.nu/k2zd
  Replies (0) Good night (810) Bad night (256)
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  (239): View more from Florida

  Is Oprah even human

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  (239): Is Oprah even human http://tfl.nu/1pua
  Replies (2) Good night (107) Bad night (119)

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