Texts From Last Night

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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...

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  (609): So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated... http://tfl.nu/17ul
  Replies (22) Good night (642) Bad night (5485)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!

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  (612): I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER! http://tfl.nu/epkg
  Replies (61) Good night (11388) Bad night (903)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?

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  (570): Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning? http://tfl.nu/o1k1
  Replies (39) Good night (4049) Bad night (1731)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  wtf, did you fuck a retard?!

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  (860): he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape (617): wtf, did you fuck a retard?! http://tfl.nu/q1iv
  Replies (11) Good night (880) Bad night (4167)
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  (712): View more from Iowa

  I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.

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  (712): I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house. http://tfl.nu/f9eu
  Replies (28) Good night (662) Bad night (3588)
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  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..

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  (321): you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night.. http://tfl.nu/r63d
  Replies (19) Good night (5831) Bad night (707)
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  (+45): View more from Denmark

  Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.

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  (+45): Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired. http://tfl.nu/rbaa
  Replies (9) Good night (5079) Bad night (1046)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?

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  (609): did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes? http://tfl.nu/qlm2
  Replies (22) Good night (5226) Bad night (1050)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy 

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  (902): Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy  http://tfl.nu/xdoc
  Replies (1) Good night (943) Bad night (375)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone

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  (513): I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone http://tfl.nu/hffa
  Replies (4) Good night (988) Bad night (541)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!

  (1-803): View more from South Carolina

  Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.

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  (803): I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids! (1-803): Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew. http://tfl.nu/h7pj
  Replies (6) Good night (1842) Bad night (536)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice

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  (402): Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice http://tfl.nu/0nos
  Replies (2) Good night (621) Bad night (220)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.

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  (908): I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it. http://tfl.nu/8q70
  Replies (1) Good night (695) Bad night (214)
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  (+65): View more from

  My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood

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  (+65): My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood http://tfl.nu/m0vo
  Replies (5) Good night (517) Bad night (229)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...

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  (801): I just used a thesaurus to write a sext... http://tfl.nu/q8a7
  Replies (2) Good night (918) Bad night (252)

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