you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Randomize
