she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.