I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.