I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
