I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
