I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
