I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
