Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
