Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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