whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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