I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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