MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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