I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
We have so much sex to catch up on
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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