I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
