hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
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He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
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Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Let's get the cat blown out
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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