I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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