I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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