If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You can't just leave with hair like that
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
