they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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