We're facebook friends in real life
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
