Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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