I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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