I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
my sisters under your porch take her home
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Two words: blizzard sex
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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