I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
