Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
