i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
