WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
