You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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