when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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