If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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