let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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