just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize