just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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