my mouth tastes like poor choices
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
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I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
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There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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