Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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