Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize