I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
