My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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